Isle of Ikea, Sunday Evening

[arboreal_priestess]

"So we're not leaving without getting a bed and some meatballs. Everything else is optional, but definitely those two things."

Verity had been threatening to drag Liam to Ikea ever since the giant snowstorm and she'd seen the empty expanse he called a bedroom. Honestly, Liam? A chair? If their physical relationship ever moved past the whole 'glowing cloud of purple light' thing, Verity figured they'd sometimes want a place to retreat to where they didn't have to negotiate with mice for a bit of privacy.

Which they couldn't do with just a chair.

"Also, considering the size of the store, maybe we should have brought along a couple of guide ropes and maybe a GPS," she added as the doors opened and she took in the sheer size of the store. Though maybe having the entire island being named for it should have given her a clue. "Uhhh...excelsior?"

[For the guy!]

Comments

[firstofitskind]

"It's a pl..." Liam started to say as they turned the corner to the bedroom furniture section.

"That might, uh. Be harder than you think."

And that was only the tip of the confusing-bed-iceberg.

[arboreal_priestess]

"...No."

Sure, it was going to be Liam's bed and she didn't really have a right to unanimously veto something, but if he ever wanted her in it, he was going to listen to that judgment. Because no.

[firstofitskind]

"Trust me, there's no argument here," Liam said, shaking his head. "Birds are fine, but I'm not sleeping in a giant metal one."

[arboreal_priestess]

"Reminds me of the rooster outside of Dite's," Verity muttered, shaking her head. "And--also no," she decided, looking at the next bed, though it kind of resembled a sleeping bag more than an actual bed. "Okay, this whole place is officially weird."

[firstofitskind]

"Are food-shaped beds popular now or something?" Liam couldn't help but ask.

[arboreal_priestess]

"Maybe?" Verity said, pointing to another. "I'm starting to worry that I misjudged your chair."

Because, no, it wasn't something they could really cuddle in--or whatever--but at least it wasn't weird.

[firstofitskind]

"Maybe I should've just bought something online," Liam said, making a face at the sandwich-bed. "Oh look, there's one that's not food." Was something that looked like a toothbrush better or worse?

[arboreal_priestess]

Worse. Infinitely worse. How many makeouts was Liam expecting with giant foam tubes springing up between them. "I'm starting to think you'd have had a better luck finding something comfortable at least," she sighed, refusing to even dignify the bed next to toothbrush with a look.

[firstofitskind]

"What the hell is- how does one person even fit on that?" Liam had to ask.

[arboreal_priestess]

"Nope," Verity said, with her head held high, walking past it without stopping. "We're pretending it doesn't exist. It's offensive."

No, it wasn't the compensating-so-hard bed so NSFW over there, but at least you could sleep on that one.

[firstofitskind]

"Well, this is- more." Liam said, eyebrow raised as he got a good look at those bed posts.

[arboreal_priestess]

"Doesn't that just put you in the mood?" Verity asked, eyebrows waggling at him hard enough her face might start hurting.

[firstofitskind]

"Yeah," Liam said with a snort. "Maybe if I wanted to tempt fate and invite some sort of... fertility god... to participate or something."

Which he did not, for the record.

[arboreal_priestess]

"Who, on that island, is probably a real thing and I'm pretty sure kinky threesomes need to be negotiated in advance," Verity said, snorting.

She was still going to sit down on the bed and bounce a little. Just because.

"Snap a picture?" she asked, hugging one of the posts. "I need to send this to my cousin Elsie."

[firstofitskind]

Considering they hadn't even managed to get to the point of actual sex when it was just the two of them involved? 'Kinky threesome' hadn't even been on Liam's radar.

"Yeah," he said, and he couldn't help but snicker. "I can do that." He pulled out his Global and snapped a few pictures. "Should we take a-" what was the word people used- "selfie?"

[arboreal_priestess]

Which was why if they did manage to get going in a more traditional fashion and some fertility god popped in to join them out of nowhere, Verity would be very annoyed.

"Yes," she said immediately to his question. "Oh god yes. Everybody needs a dick-bed selfie in their lives, it's practically a relationship milestone."

[firstofitskind]

And that was how Liam ended up jumping on to a dick-bed, slinging an arm around Verity's shoulders and holding up his Global to take a bunch of pictures.

[arboreal_priestess]

If only his old friends from home could see him now!

Verity vamped for the Global, shifting easily from sultry to ridiculous as they bounced around on the dick-bed--at least until a guy in an Ikea apron looked over at them and cleared his throat.

"I think we're getting asked to move on," she stage-whispered.

[firstofitskind]

"What if we'd been planning to actually purchase it?" Liam asked the Ikea employee pointedly, who just rolled his eyes. Nobody ever bought the dick-bed.

Nobody ever bought a lot of things here in the nexus of all possible Ikeas.

[arboreal_priestess]

That's because most of the things here in the nexus of all Ikeas were terrifying and and wrong.

Verity got up, giggling and tugging on Liam's hand. "C'mon," she said. "We gotta find you a real bed. Preferably before you decide to buy this monstrosity because you're proving a point."

[firstofitskind]

"Well," Liam mused. "There's always whatever the hell that is, I guess. Is it even a bed if you're not lying down?"

[arboreal_priestess]

"You know, Liam, if you don't want me sleeping over, you can just say so," she teased.

[firstofitskind]

"... What?" Liam looked at her, startled. "No, I do!" Give him a second to realize you were teasing, Verity. "You're the one who suggested we shop here," he pointed out.

[arboreal_priestess]

Verity laughed, and kissed him again. "Yeah, but I wasn't the one who suggested the standing up bed. I could see that being the kind of thing you were into."

[firstofitskind]

"I wasn't being ser- wait, really?" Liam made a confused face at her.