Isle of Ikea, Sunday Evening

[arboreal_priestess]

"So we're not leaving without getting a bed and some meatballs. Everything else is optional, but definitely those two things."

Verity had been threatening to drag Liam to Ikea ever since the giant snowstorm and she'd seen the empty expanse he called a bedroom. Honestly, Liam? A chair? If their physical relationship ever moved past the whole 'glowing cloud of purple light' thing, Verity figured they'd sometimes want a place to retreat to where they didn't have to negotiate with mice for a bit of privacy.

Which they couldn't do with just a chair.

"Also, considering the size of the store, maybe we should have brought along a couple of guide ropes and maybe a GPS," she added as the doors opened and she took in the sheer size of the store. Though maybe having the entire island being named for it should have given her a clue. "Uhhh...excelsior?"

[For the guy!]

Comments

[firstofitskind]

"If I'm 'entertaining upstairs'," Liam said, complete with airquotes, "First of all, I don't think there would be a lot of sitting, and second, if there was, hopefully that person wouldn't mind just sitting with me on the bed that we're here to get."

[arboreal_priestess]

Verity laughed again and pulled him in for a kiss. "I dunno," she teased, "maybe your guest is a little adventurous and likes doing not a whole lot of sitting on non-bed surfaces."

[firstofitskind]

Not that they'd managed to actually progress to things that were not sitting, but, you know. It was on the agenda.

Liam was all too happy to lean in to that kiss, though. Although something caught his eye as he did so.

When he finally broke the kiss, he turned slightly, so that Verity would see... whatever that was.

"How adventurous are we talking, here?"

[arboreal_priestess]

"Not that adventurous!" Verity declared, laughing again. That was one of the reasons she liked being with Liam so much. She laughed a lot more when he was around. "I'm pretty sure that cushion is secretly absorbing the rest of the chair."

[firstofitskind]

His whole 'sense of humor' thing was something of a work-in-progress, so Liam would be pleased to know it was apparently reasonably successful.

"At least it has a cushion," he said, trying to find something positive about that monstrosity.

This thing, though... kind of useless, unless you needed to do a lot of counting, possibly.

[arboreal_priestess]

"I have never needed an abacus that size in my entire life," Verity declared. "I mean, I've never needed an abacus of any size but even so, that's just pushing it."

She glanced around, then pointed. "And look," she said. "That's what happens when you let the cushion absorb you. Nice of them to put a warning on full display like that."

[firstofitskind]

"Yeah, no, that's definitely not going in my room. Regardless of what I would use any potential seating for, I do want to be able to sleep at some point." Which would be difficult with that monstrosity looming about in the shadows!

[arboreal_priestess]

"Okay, so new plan," Verity declared. "Housewarming gift for your new roommate."

Like they'd be safe with that monstrosity anywhere in the house.

[firstofitskind]

"There's already one person in that house who dislikes me," Liam pointed out. "I'd hate to give anyone else an actual reason to."

[arboreal_priestess]

"Wait, who doesn't like you?" Verity demanded, hands on her hips.

Uhh, someone wrong, obviously.

[firstofitskind]

“Magnus,” Liam sighed and rolled his eyes. “He seems to think- I don’t know, that I’m lying about my position as law enforcement, and I’m going to sneak off with all of his belongings one night or something.”

[arboreal_priestess]

"Doesn't he just have a collection of robot arms and wooden ducks or something?" Verity asked. "Not bad nail polish though, but I'm pretty sure that's more in danger from me than you."

[firstofitskind]

“Pretty much, yeah,” Liam nodded. “But apparently once he’s made his mind up about something nothing will change his mind.”

[arboreal_priestess]

"Okay, that I can see," Verity admitted. "So, you going and doing a ton of paperwork is all this long con for his stuff?"

[firstofitskind]

"I guess he thinks I really need those ducks."

Where would he even put them? It wasn't like he currently owned shelves.

[arboreal_priestess]

WHICH WERE ON THE LIST!

"You gotta be honest with me, Liam," Verity said, trying for solemn. And failing. "Do you have a secret duck fetish you haven't told me about? This is a place of no judgment, you can be open."

[firstofitskind]

"Oh yes," Liam nodded. "You've caught me out, I-

... Can't even finish that sentence with a straight face," he admitted, with a snicker of his own.

[arboreal_priestess]

"You sure about that?" Verity checked, pointing off to Liam's left. "Because boy did I spot a couch for you."

[firstofitskind]

"... Does that say 'demons'?" Liam asked, squinting at the monstrosity in question.

He was pretty sure it was supposed to be 'Lemons', but it sure looked like 'demons'.

What either had to do with ducks was another question entirely.

[arboreal_priestess]

"I'm really thrilled with this whole 'Possessed' line they seem to be showing this season," Verity snarked. "From absorbing cushions to demonic ducks, there's a lot of nightmare creativity on despair."

[firstofitskind]

"'Thrilled' is... not the word I would use," Liam said, nudging Verity's side as he found yet another monstrosity.

"I thought Ikea was all supposed to be about particle board and bright colors."

[arboreal_priestess]

Verity wrinkled her nose. "That's just disgusting," she said. "This has to be
a weird kind Ikea nexus. These are from the Ikeas in horror dimensions or something. I mean, look at that thing. I think it's made from monster-skin or something."

And now she was peering at it more closely, trying to see if she could identify the species it had come from.

[firstofitskind]

"You're trying to identify it, aren't you," Liam said, in a kind of resigned-but-fond tone.

[arboreal_priestess]

"Well just look at it!" Verity said, not even trying to deny it. "It had to come from something. Female lindworm, maybe?"

You picked this, Liam.

[firstofitskind]

Hence the 'fond'.

"I don't know," he admitted. "I've never seen a lindworm."