Isle of Ikea, Sunday Evening

[arboreal_priestess]

"So we're not leaving without getting a bed and some meatballs. Everything else is optional, but definitely those two things."

Verity had been threatening to drag Liam to Ikea ever since the giant snowstorm and she'd seen the empty expanse he called a bedroom. Honestly, Liam? A chair? If their physical relationship ever moved past the whole 'glowing cloud of purple light' thing, Verity figured they'd sometimes want a place to retreat to where they didn't have to negotiate with mice for a bit of privacy.

Which they couldn't do with just a chair.

"Also, considering the size of the store, maybe we should have brought along a couple of guide ropes and maybe a GPS," she added as the doors opened and she took in the sheer size of the store. Though maybe having the entire island being named for it should have given her a clue. "Uhhh...excelsior?"

[For the guy!]

Comments

[arboreal_priestess]

"I don't even want to know who designed that one," Verity said, resolutely marching past. "Wouldn't fit in your room anyway. But there's gotta be something."

Another bed. Ornate, more artistic than practical, and moderately ridiculous--but only moderately.

They were getting warmer!

[firstofitskind]

"That one would work if I were going to go move in to that abandoned shack in the woods," Liam mused, pointing out 'weird but not impractical' bed.

[arboreal_priestess]

"This is a whole genre of bed I didn't know about," Verity said, pointing out another. "For when you wanna get your sweaty lumberjack fantasy on or whatever."

[firstofitskind]

"Or are really into horses, I suppose."

[arboreal_priestess]

"I hate how much preteen me would have been into this bed," Verity said with a chuckle. "Unless those are meant to be kelpies, in which case never mind."

She pointed out another. "I'm too cool to throw away rotten wood."

[firstofitskind]

"Well," Liam said, looking at that hulking monstrosity. "I guess finding a use for it is better than letting it go to waste?" Maybe?

[arboreal_priestess]

"Pretty sure every time I slept in that bed, I'd have nightmares about being in the gritty reboot of some dark fairy tale," Verity decided. "Pass."

[firstofitskind]

"Good point." Not that he'd been at all tempted, honestly. And considering that Verity having a comfortable place to sleep when she spent the night was the main reason they were even here, she definitely had veto power. "Hopefully we can find something a little less... rustic." Rustic was a kind word for those.

[arboreal_priestess]

"Lookit you, being all diplomatic in your word choice, rather than just calling it something out of the woodlands horror collection," Verity said. "I'm impressed."

[firstofitskind]

"Well, somebody likes it, I guess," Liam shrugged. Don't yuck other people's yums, Verity! Gosh.

[arboreal_priestess]

Verity would yuck all the yums she wanted, starting with that phrase, dammit.

"Or nobody does and it's been here so long the rot wasn't part of the original frame," she suggested.

[firstofitskind]

"Both equally likely, here in the nexus of all possible Ikeas," Liam said with a snicker.

[arboreal_priestess]

"Still, I'm heartened by how it seems like we're heading into ugly-but-normal," Verity said, pointing at a bed that had been decorated by plywood

[firstofitskind]

"Again with the 'repurposed' look," Liam said, shaking his head. "Although this one looks kind of like someone tore down a house and then used the lumber to make a bed frame."

"That one's not bad," he mused. Still wood, but less of a 'salvaged from the junk pile' aesthetic.

[arboreal_priestess]

"Definitely something I'd expect from Ikea," Verity agreed, nodding. "Still more 'just out of college and this is better than a mattress on the floor' than I'd like, but definitely better."

[firstofitskind]

"What are your thoughts on Victorian-era hospital?"

[arboreal_priestess]

"Surprisingly not positive," Verity said, looking at that one and shuddering. "That's the kind of bed they used when they locked a married couple in the haunted sanitarium or something."

"How about that one?" she suggested. "Continuing the wood theme from earlier but without the West Virginia Woodchipper Murderfest vibe and wrought iron without all that terrifying evil asylum feel!"

[firstofitskind]

"Would I have to get a bird?" Liam wondered, glancing up at the top of the bedposts. "I mean, since it comes with a bed for one as well."

[arboreal_priestess]

"I'm sure I could find a harpy fledgling instead," Verity said sweetly.

[firstofitskind]

"Pass," Liam said immediately, swatting at Verity's shoulder.

[arboreal_priestess]

"You are just no fun," Verity informed him, her nose in the air. "No cool futuristic space beds for you, then."

[firstofitskind]

"Really?" Liam said. "Because I kind of like that one, actually." He wasn't even kidding! It matched the chair!

[arboreal_priestess]

Of course he did. It was a futuristic space bed.

"It needs pillows," Verity said, actually considering it, rather than just using it as the butt of a joke. "And real blankets. And if it comes with more buttons than my TV remote and a users' manual, we're putting it back."

[firstofitskind]

"... Why would it have buttons?" Liam tilted his head quizzically at Verity.

Look, everything in his reality was touchscreens and gesture-controls. Buttons? Pfft.

[arboreal_priestess]

"To make it vibrate and heat and whatever else it probably does?" Verity suggested. "I'm sure has a hundred gizmos--that's not exactly the question you were asking, was it?"