Isle of Ikea, Sunday Evening

[arboreal_priestess]

"So we're not leaving without getting a bed and some meatballs. Everything else is optional, but definitely those two things."

Verity had been threatening to drag Liam to Ikea ever since the giant snowstorm and she'd seen the empty expanse he called a bedroom. Honestly, Liam? A chair? If their physical relationship ever moved past the whole 'glowing cloud of purple light' thing, Verity figured they'd sometimes want a place to retreat to where they didn't have to negotiate with mice for a bit of privacy.

Which they couldn't do with just a chair.

"Also, considering the size of the store, maybe we should have brought along a couple of guide ropes and maybe a GPS," she added as the doors opened and she took in the sheer size of the store. Though maybe having the entire island being named for it should have given her a clue. "Uhhh...excelsior?"

[For the guy!]

Comments

[arboreal_priestess]

"That looks like something to perform gymnastics on before you go to bed," Verity said with a laugh. "What's a Pad'ar ring and why wouldn't you want to sleep in one?"

[firstofitskind]

"I mean, you're not far off," Liam had to admit. "It was a Taelon, uh, sport?" Technically it had been ritual combat, once upon a time, but thousands of years had kind of sanitized it. "That was a big craze amongst human athletes for a time. Until we discovered it was actually a training ground for a program to create super-soldiers."

[arboreal_priestess]

"Ahhh," Verity said, looking at the bed again. "Well, I can see where that would take some of the fun out of it."

Would she still dance if she discovered something like that?

Probably.

"That is a normal bed if you're willing to ignore the likelihood of it collapsing at a key moment."

[firstofitskind]

Even if it turned out all her fellow competitors were actually veterans whose consciousness had been transplanted into younger, bio-synthetic bodies?

"That'd make a great porch swing," if you had a giant porch. "But you're right, doesn't seem like a structurally sound choice for- sleeping in."

[arboreal_priestess]

It would probably just make her dance harder. Verity wasn't always rational about how much she loved it. Though the three hours she spent a day practicing gave Liam at least some clue, at least.

"It's sad that the most normal bed we've found so far is the one that thinks it's a hammock," she noted.

[firstofitskind]

"I guess this one is pretty normal... for some sort of snake-person," Liam said, shaking his head.

[arboreal_priestess]

"Oh my god," Verity said, standing stock still and pulling out her phone to snap pictures of it. "Liam, this is perfect."

She wasn't joking, there was one hundred percent sincerity in her voice and she was frantically typing into her phone after snapping several pictures.

[firstofitskind]

"... For someone who's not me?" Liam guessed. Given the fact that she was clearly messaging someone...

[arboreal_priestess]

"For Uncle Naga," she said, sending the message to her mother. "And the wadjet. And the greater gorgons!"

She put her phone away and looked up at him with eyes alight. "I'm going to have to come back here soon and put in, like, a half-dozen orders, I bet."

It almost made up for possibly not finding a bed for Liam!

[firstofitskind]

"Well, I'm glad someone will be getting some furniture out of this," Liam said drily.

[arboreal_priestess]

Verity gave him a sheepish look. Right. Liam. They were here for him. "Sorry about that," she said, "but you'd be surprised to find how food beds were designed for non-humans in mind."

[firstofitskind]

"I am glad someone will find it useful, though, really," Liam said honestly. "... Do you know any feline cryptids, by any chance?" Because the next one kind of resembled a giant cat tunnel.

[arboreal_priestess]

"Oddly enough, most therianthropes go with lupine bases, not feline ones," Verity said. "It drives my mom crazy trying to figure out why."

Because in cryptozoology, the answer could be anything between 'lupine DNA is inherently more stable' to 'feline cryptids were just better at hiding.'

"Oh!" she said, stopping to clutch his arm and point. "Look! that one is practically normal!"

She wasn't entirely sure it fit with Liam's utilitarian aesthetic, but it gave her hope.

[firstofitskind]

"The canopy is a bit, uh," Liam paused. "A bit... much."

Definitely did not fit his aesthetic. "But it's the closest thing we've found so far, so I suppose in a pinch I could always just... not assemble that part."

[arboreal_priestess]

"Let's just look a little longer," Verity suggested, pulling him a little further into the department. "They're getting progressively less weird--" mostly "--as we go. Maybe this place is set up like a grocery store, so all the things you really want are in the back so you have to pass everything else first, you know?"

[firstofitskind]

"Maybe," Liam said, giving the last one they'd passed an extremely dubious look. It kind of resembled the end of a roll of toilet paper. Not exactly an image one wanted to associate with where they slept.

[arboreal_priestess]

"I don't even want to know who designed that one," Verity said, resolutely marching past. "Wouldn't fit in your room anyway. But there's gotta be something."

Another bed. Ornate, more artistic than practical, and moderately ridiculous--but only moderately.

They were getting warmer!

[firstofitskind]

"That one would work if I were going to go move in to that abandoned shack in the woods," Liam mused, pointing out 'weird but not impractical' bed.

[arboreal_priestess]

"This is a whole genre of bed I didn't know about," Verity said, pointing out another. "For when you wanna get your sweaty lumberjack fantasy on or whatever."

[firstofitskind]

"Or are really into horses, I suppose."

[arboreal_priestess]

"I hate how much preteen me would have been into this bed," Verity said with a chuckle. "Unless those are meant to be kelpies, in which case never mind."

She pointed out another. "I'm too cool to throw away rotten wood."

[firstofitskind]

"Well," Liam said, looking at that hulking monstrosity. "I guess finding a use for it is better than letting it go to waste?" Maybe?

[arboreal_priestess]

"Pretty sure every time I slept in that bed, I'd have nightmares about being in the gritty reboot of some dark fairy tale," Verity decided. "Pass."

[firstofitskind]

"Good point." Not that he'd been at all tempted, honestly. And considering that Verity having a comfortable place to sleep when she spent the night was the main reason they were even here, she definitely had veto power. "Hopefully we can find something a little less... rustic." Rustic was a kind word for those.

[arboreal_priestess]

"Lookit you, being all diplomatic in your word choice, rather than just calling it something out of the woodlands horror collection," Verity said. "I'm impressed."